Guest Who's Sleeping in My Bed?: When People Don't Want to Stay at a Hotel They Sleep with Me . . .

Will my bed accommodate their love for schnitzel? I discover later that fourteen pancakes are not enough for my German friends.

One roll of toilet paper for two people should last two to three days. I am wrong. I left the plastic mouse in their bed by accident. They said nothing, yet they left the mouse in the made bed when they left. I love them.

Thank you for hurling your dirty shoes on my bed. You are a class act.

I love the guest bedroom, smelling like a middle school locker room. It reminds me of cheerleading . . . in a bad way.

I have developed supersonic hearing. When I hear that first toilet flush in the morning, I know it's showtime! High heels, slap on that fall, don my apron, apply lip gloss, and serve that breakfast with a smile. What song will I sing? What stories will I tell? Dang! They do not speak English. No worries. My mime experience is always a hit.