I loved you more

I loved you more

by Tom Spanbauer

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About
Tom Spanbauer’s first novel in seven years is a love story triangle akin to The Marriage Plot and Freedom, only with a gay main character who charms gays and straights alike. I Loved You More is a rich, expansive tale of love, sex, and heartbreak, covering twenty-five years in the life of a striving, emotionally wounded writer. In New York, Ben forms a bond of love with his macho friend and foil, Hank. Years later in Portland, a now ill Ben falls for Ruth, who provides the care and devotion he needs, though they cannot find true happiness together. Then Hank reappears and meets Ruth, and real trouble starts. Set against a world of struggling artists, the underground sex scene of New York in the 1980s, the drab, confining Idaho of Ben’s youth, and many places in between, I Loved You More is the author’s most complex and wise novel to date.

Discussion questions for I loved you more

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  1. 1

    The title, "I Loved You More," immediately suggests a power dynamic or perceived imbalance in relationships. Who do you imagine is speaking these words, and to whom? What does this title imply about the nature of love and loss within the novel's central relationships?

  2. 2

    Ben is portrayed as both charming and deeply emotionally wounded. How do these seemingly contradictory aspects of his personality shape his choices and the trajectory of his relationships, particularly with Hank and Ruth?

  3. 3

    The novel explores a complex love triangle involving Ben, Hank, and Ruth. How does Spanbauer differentiate between the various forms of love—friendship, passionate romance, devoted caregiving—that exist between these characters? Which connection felt most authentic or compelling to you, and why?

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